Matthew 7:7 Finding God After Loss

which-way3001Mat 7:7  “Ask, and you will receive; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you.

I forget how to pray but I can remember when my prayers were ardently filled with worship, gratitude and requests for guidance.  I would cry and laugh like an impassioned child on her Father’s lap. I was close to God and He remained with me throughout the day.

Instead of seeking God these past two years of set-backs, misfortune and heartbreak, I have imploded within myself.  This thick wall of self protection is like impenetrable concrete standing firm against gale force winds and, it surrounds my soul and heart allowing nothing to enter or exit. How do I break it down? Only recently I discover this dense barrier is also preventing me from communicating with God.

I sit and with much effort I try to pray. Nihil est. I don’t know what to say or how to feel. I am discouraged and stop trying

 I think back to a relationship I once had with a friend who became very upset because I decided to move away from the area:  she refused to speak to me for almost a year. Suddenly, one day she called and apologized for her behavior and we are friends again. At first our conversations were stiff and stilted like we were two strangers who needed to discover one another again.   Even after two months of re-friendship there is still a slight artificiality that creeps in unnoticed when I speak of some event that took place during that year of silence–she wasn’t a part of my life and wouldn’t remember.

Maybe my connection and re-bonding with my Holy Father has to go through the same evolution and over time our rapport will grow more personal again. I will continue to seek Him.

Mat 7:8  For everyone who asks will receive, and anyone who seeks will find, and the door will be opened to those who knock.

~ by Andrea T on June 29, 2013.

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