Disappointment vs Trust

google-wave-disappointmentI can’t seem to shake the disappointment I feel.  I was told that I was eligible for a social security widow’s benefit and after months of expectation and joy today I discovered it was all a mistake.

The monthly amount wasn’t much by today’s standards but it would have been a welcome and much-needed supplement to my small retirement check.  Enough to save up for a major car repair and to possibly help fix a leaky roof.  The months of anticipation at being released from some financial pressure have now collapsed into a smoldering mound of formless ash—like what is left at the bottom of a wood furnace after all the kindling has been consumed—indistinct and unrecognizable.

This morning before leaving for my ill-fated appointment I prayed and assured God that I would accept His will in the situation. I see now I didn’t really mean it because I was so certain the extra amount would be added.

Vowing to read the entire chapter I open my Bible to Job.  However, the weight of the letdown overrules my efforts and I move from room to room, restless and sad.

What do you want from me, Lord, I mumble out loud.  No answer is forthcoming– only silence.

I must intervene before my distress turns into self-pity.  I research Scriptures on the internet to read aloud.

Psalm 22:5 They cried to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed.

Psalm 62:8 Trust in him at all times, oh people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge. Selah

Dear Father,

I’m sad and I cry out to you for comfort.  Sometimes living in this world is so hard it feels impossible to go on another day.   Financial worries consume me and fears for the future permeate my thoughts.  Help me to appreciate what you have given me and to trust that you didn’t bring me this far to fail. I will search until I see your glory in this situation and trust that all things will work together for those who love you.  Instead of focusing on what I lack help me to see how your love and protection has surrounded me thus far.  I give you my gratitude and thanks for your present provisions. Amen




~ by Andrea T on July 22, 2013.

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