The Curse of Being A Do It Yourself Kinda Gal

seesawPsalm 31:14 14But I trust in you, LORD; I say, “You are my God.”

It’s like there is a see-saw in my mind.  When things get tough I’m on my knees. When things are going OK I completely forget about God.  I don’t think I’m alone in this.  Things haven’t been perfect in my life for the past four years or so but I’ve managed as I’m used to doing. So… I haven’t been praying.  

I’ve had bouts of my being distant from God in my past but never this long. I’m getting older (67 years young) and have a number of physical disabilities but I have accepted them and I’m resigned.

I wiped the dust off my copy of Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young and it’s almost uncanny how God today’s devotion exactly relates to what I need to hear:

“Trusting Me is a moment by moment choice.”  pg. 107

For me, those “Moment by moments” are especially when things are tolerable. I
don’t even think of “choosing to trust.”  

I have a theory:  For those of us who are strong and independent, used to having to rely on ourselves most of our lives, almost never being able to count on anyone being there for us, we have it harder.  I was a single Mom and I did it all alone. Oh, I can look back and see God’s hand in my life a lot of the time when I thought the effort was mine. But, in essence, I counted on me except for the times things were so tough and I needed a miracle. God usually came through in stunning ways where there was no doubt, it was of Divine Origin. I used to keep a miracle book and looking back over it I say to myself, “Yup, there is no way my effort brought that about.” Yet, like the Apostles who saw Jesus feed the 500 and walk on water,  doubted and back slid. This is my burden, and I believe the burden of the human condition.

I’m back. There is something going on in my life that needs God’s touch. Perhaps that’s why  the Bible admonishes us to praise Him, especially during challenges.  For some of us, that’s the only way we return to our Saviour.

 

 

 

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~ by Andrea T on April 12, 2018.

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