Jeremiah 29:11, God Gave Me a Little Dog To Save Me From Despair

Jeremiah 29:11 11For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I suffer from depression and PTSD and I am on medication for the illness.  Recently I started to feel better so I cut my dosage in half for a few weeks and then went off it completely.  All went well for a few weeks and then something happened with a family member and close friend that triggered an outpouring of hurtful memories from a hidden cesspool in my mind. I cried for days and suicidal thoughts floated across my awareness.  To be honest, the only thing forcing my will to live was the thought of my dog being without me and no one to care for her.  She kept me alive and doesn’t know it.

During this dark week the thought of crying out to God for help entered my thinking but I kept dismissing it, almost as if I believe I deserve this place of recrimination and self-hate.  An inner battle raged:  “Pray to God,” “No” “Yes, He will help you,” “No.” And so it went, back and forth for a whole week.

Yesterday, I looked at my precious dog and I thought, “You aren’t even a good dog parent.”  Immediately I shouted out loud, “Stop it, satan, leave me alone in the name of Jesus. I am too a loving dog parent.”  Suddenly, I changed.  I felt whole again, the self-hate gone and forgotten.  Today, I cry in gratitude and pray in thankfulness to a God who wants us to call out to Him, to ask Him to intercede when it’s not possible to do so on our own.  I am also stunned with indebtedness to a loving Savior who, when I am in an abyss of despair gives me a little dog who needs me to go on.

 

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~ by Andrea T on August 26, 2018.

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