What if God Isn’t What You Think He Is?

I remember telling a friend I believe in miraculous healings but not for me. I trust that even today, the lame can walk and the blind can see. Yet I never fool myself into thinking a supernatural cure for one of my disabilities will take place in my life.  No way. Why am I am I exempted from a wondrous cure?  I don’t know… maybe one reason might be throughout my life nothing astonishing has ever happened to me.  I remember once winning $10 at a Bingo game.  I was so excited I literally tripped and fell over a chair.  Another time I won $30 on a scratch ticket but that’s the extent of my experiencing anything sudden and unexplained.  Another reason could be that I never felt loved… as a child there was a lot of hardship in my family. My Mother had to go out to work when I was seven and my sister was nine.  Mom would usually come home after her daily grind very tired and grouchy; understandably there wasn’t much left over for her two children. But prior to that, I can’t remember being hugged or truly listened to.  Whether my environment taught me that I was invisible or it’s a physical defect in my DNA I don’t know, but it’s there.  And, it interferes with my  personal relationship with God. I have experienced events that seem miraculous but they also could have been the result of sheer coincidence.  I want to believe for myself, but I can’t completely.  Compounding the problem is that I was a single parent to two children and I didn’t have anyone to rely on when trouble arose so I learned to only depend on me. Even now as I’m getting older and need some assistance in certain things I am fiercely independent. 

I am reading a Christian book, The Cure, by Lynch, McNicol and Thrall, (the same authors who wrote, Bo’s Cafe, which I mentioned in a former post.)  I have only read the first thirty-five pages and I am crying uncontrollably. Could there be a glimmer of hope for me after all these years?  Is the God I thought I knew different from who He really is?  Is it true this God loves me with all my flaws and shortcomings?  Have I made a mistake in thinking that the God of my knowing who wants me to strive to be a better person and who expects me to do kind things for others isn’t that way at all?   The Cure is a book about God’s grace.  It says the first and only thing I have to do is accept the love of God, believe it to be true and all else will fall into place.  No more striving and predictable failures of not measuring up to high “Christian” standards.  Things fall into place and I change when I accept the real love God offers me.

I will be writing more about the book tomorrow but for today, I am posting a video about the book.  It’s 16 minutes long so, if you have the time, please listen.


~ by Andrea T on May 18, 2020.

3 Responses to “What if God Isn’t What You Think He Is?”

  1. For me, I think it’s a matter of balance. We want to be pleasing to God, but first and foremost we need to accept we can only do so by grace through faith. Obviously, this should come first but without neglecting the second part. It makes me think of what Jesus said about cleaning the inside of the cup first – and then the outside will be clean also. We all need the deep cleaning sometimes, but that doesn’t mean all your time spent working on the outside goes to waste. Same God, just seen from a deeper, better perspective. God does want us to be better people, for our own sakes. For the right reasons, and not just to be *seen* doing good. Wow, this stirred up some deep thoughts in me – again. Thanks so much for sharing.

    • Thanks for your comment. Thought provoking stuff, right? I like your response. And, I agree about “not neglecting the second part.” I am struggling with that too but, the whole idea of our stopping our striving through our own will to please God intrigues me and gives me hope. As I get older I find (for me) I am hoping beyond hope the idea of “grace first” is inspiring. It’s like the argument about the chicken or the egg. I enjoy your ideas. Keep coming back.

  2. […] I am now awake for an hour again approaching 5A.M., this time going through my Facebook, reading a great, thought-provoking blog post and generally making better use of my time. Thanks as ever, dearest, for the […]

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