Failure and the God I Thought I Knew

The God I came to comprehend is the type of God who expects me to know all the areas of my sin and to diligently work toward being a perfect Christian.  Apparently, He knows I can never attain such a lofty goal because I am designed to be imperfect and only God is perfect but, I am still expected to expend the effort. To be honest, there have been sins I have been working on for the past 50 years and they are still there.  Things like gluttony (I love to eat), swearing once in awhile, being judgmental,  getting involved in arguments when I should just walk away, thinking that I’m smarter than most people, gossiping and the list can go on and on.  I have asked God repeatedly to help me with all of these sins and he has been silent. I truly have struggled to eliminate them on my own but, they still remain.  When I try and try and fail repeatedly, after one hundred times or more I usually give up.  And, in the relinquishment, I tell myself I am a flop, a  washout, an inadequate pretend Christian.  And, feeling bad about myself can drive me back to the refrigerator or to instead,  indulge in juicy gossip because it gets the focus off me.

Back to the book, The Cure, by Lynch, McNicol and Thrall.  Watching the 2 minute You Tube video in this post made me cry.  Dare I hope that what it suggests is true?  That God will love me no matter what I have done or ever will do?   A part of my brain is sending up warning flags cautioning me that God can’t be so forgiving and loving, NO MATTER WHAT.  If Christians believed such a thing, wouldn’t that give us all license to do what we want without ever having to pay a penalty or worry about losing God’s love? Far Fetched. And yet, I am a Mother.  If one of my children murdered someone or robbed a bank would I stop caring for them?  No. My heart would break and I would want them to get help but I would also want society to be safe from them if they present a danger to others.  How can you stop loving your child?  You can’t, unless you have some deep, unresolved mental issues.

I have never personally experienced a type of love the video and book are describing.  Not even close. Maybe that’s the problem. People who commit sins (big and small) don’t have an awareness of how much they are loved, and that opens the way to sin.  For example, some psychological theories believe people who steal are trying to shoplift love. What if?  What if a deep, abiding, unconditional love is the cure for all that ails us?

 

 

~ by Andrea T on May 19, 2020.

2 Responses to “Failure and the God I Thought I Knew”

  1. I like this one even more than the last one. It’s scary to live in God’s love until you realize, oh, it’s the fire that doesn’t consume anything except for those things you kinda wanted to get rid of anyway – and even those not all at once. Even then it’s kind of scary but it wouldn’t be love if it weren’t scary in a totally different way. I think. If I understand right. Oh in response to your comment on my site, I will pray about maybe publishing my stuff *after* this is over. You should think about the same. Maybe editing it all out into a book format. Thanks again for your thoughts.

    • I like that, “The fire that doesn’t consume anything.” It IS scary to live in God’s love. I’m still striving to… We both need to think about publication. May God keep you safe. /have a great day.

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