Jeremiah 29:11, God Gave Me a Little Dog To Save Me From Despair

•August 26, 2018 • Leave a Comment

Jeremiah 29:11 11For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I suffer from depression and PTSD and I am on medication for the illness.  Recently I started to feel better so I cut my dosage in half for a few weeks and then went off it completely.  All went well for a few weeks and then something happened with a family member and close friend that triggered an outpouring of hurtful memories from a hidden cesspool in my mind. I cried for days and suicidal thoughts floated across my awareness.  To be honest, the only thing forcing my will to live was the thought of my dog being without me and no one to care for her.  She kept me alive and doesn’t know it.

During this dark week the thought of crying out to God for help entered my thinking but I kept dismissing it, almost as if I believe I deserve this place of recrimination and self-hate.  An inner battle raged:  “Pray to God,” “No” “Yes, He will help you,” “No.” And so it went, back and forth for a whole week.

Yesterday, I looked at my precious dog and I thought, “You aren’t even a good dog parent.”  Immediately I shouted out loud, “Stop it, satan, leave me alone in the name of Jesus. I am too a loving dog parent.”  Suddenly, I changed.  I felt whole again, the self-hate gone and forgotten.  Today, I cry in gratitude and pray in thankfulness to a God who wants us to call out to Him, to ask Him to intercede when it’s not possible to do so on our own.  I am also stunned with indebtedness to a loving Savior who, when I am in an abyss of despair gives me a little dog who needs me to go on.



Jehovah Shammah: I am the God who is always there.

•July 20, 2018 • Leave a Comment


Romans 15:13 “May God, the source of hope, fill you with joy and peace through your faith in him. Then you will overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit”

I have a tendency to brood over seemingly little things, I wonder  why a friend hasn’t called as she regularly does, have I done something to anger her?

I haven’t been sleeping and often wake up exhausted, I worry the lack of sleep will make my kidney disease worsen.

I found out my favorite nephrologist has left for a practice out of state, I worry a new nephrologist won’t care as much or give me as good treatment. And on and on the list is endless.

This morning I wake up tired and hopeless.  No sleep again last night and I have things to do.  I am crying.

I read Bible passages, pray and meditate and already  feel a sense of hope and relief knowing that God’s promise to always be there is comforting to me. How quickly peace is lost when I don’t take the time to pray and remember everything is under God’s control.

Thank you Abba for  Your wonderful promises. Once again I surrender to you my cares and fears knowing Your will and reliance on You is all I need.  Amen

Surrender and Syncronicity

•May 15, 2018 • Leave a Comment

Surrender yourself to the Lord, and wait patiently for him. Psalm 37:7 (GWT)

17-best-I have a very hard time when it comes to surrender yet, some of the most impossible miracles take place when I give the problem to God. 

I am living in a leaky camper in South Carolina… no family or friends nearby. I have just been diagnosed with a chronic illness and I don’t know how I will get home.  I advertise in many places to sell my camper to no avail. I remember clearly that day sitting on my sofa, sobbing and telling God, “You will have to care for me now. I can’t do it. I want to go home and it’s not happening. I give up.”  Within days I have a buyer and am on my way to Massachusetts. Continue reading ‘Surrender and Syncronicity’

When It’s Hard To Pray, part 2

•April 15, 2018 • Leave a Comment

I haven’t prayed for two days yet I feel close to God. I listened to Christian music and today I am watching inspirational You Tube videos. Here is one of my favorites:

Rabies Shots, Music and Drawing Near to God

•April 14, 2018 • Leave a Comment

When I listen to Christian music I am transported into God’s presence.  Even if secular music is playing on a radio I imagine all the love songs are God singing to me. If the voice is female, oh well, in my belief system God is neither male or female so any love song will do (just as long as it doesn’t have the lover leaving me in the end.) Continue reading ‘Rabies Shots, Music and Drawing Near to God’

When Praying Is Hard To Do

•April 13, 2018 • Leave a Comment

woman-kneeling-at-crossLuk_15:7  I say unto you, that even so there shall be joy in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine righteous persons, who need no repentance.

I have a deep inner sense of unworthiness and it’s interfering with my relationship with God.  I have other blogs and the words flow easily and freely. I feel it inside when I’m ready to post here, there is a sense of halting and hesitation.  I try to isolate the feeling this morning and it comes to me.  Who the heck do I think I am to have the nerve to write about God?  I certainly am not any authority, I don’t even know if I have a right to write. Ooops, if anything, these type of thoughts are more from the devil than a heavenly source. Continue reading ‘When Praying Is Hard To Do’

The Eyes Have It

•April 13, 2018 • Leave a Comment

eyeMatthew 6:22  Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light.

I’ve noticed when I’m close to God and praying regularly my eyes sparkle and seem like they have an inner lamp.  I’ve actually been driving down the highway, listening to Christian CD’s and glimpse the bright twinkle in my rear view mirror.  My eyes have been dull for a long time and yesterday, I prayed and listened to Christian CD’s in my car and yes, I looked. They have the start of a slight glow but not the full-blown beacon that indicates I am close to God.  Continue reading ‘The Eyes Have It’

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