Jeremiah 29:11, God Gave Me a Little Dog To Save Me From Despair

•August 26, 2018 • Leave a Comment

Jeremiah 29:11 11For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I suffer from depression and PTSD and I am on medication for the illness.  Recently I started to feel better so I cut my dosage in half for a few weeks and then went off it completely.  All went well for a few weeks and then something happened with a family member and close friend that triggered an outpouring of hurtful memories from a hidden cesspool in my mind. I cried for days and suicidal thoughts floated across my awareness.  To be honest, the only thing forcing my will to live was the thought of my dog being without me and no one to care for her.  She kept me alive and doesn’t know it.

During this dark week the thought of crying out to God for help entered my thinking but I kept dismissing it, almost as if I believe I deserve this place of recrimination and self-hate.  An inner battle raged:  “Pray to God,” “No” “Yes, He will help you,” “No.” And so it went, back and forth for a whole week.

Yesterday, I looked at my precious dog and I thought, “You aren’t even a good dog parent.”  Immediately I shouted out loud, “Stop it, satan, leave me alone in the name of Jesus. I am too a loving dog parent.”  Suddenly, I changed.  I felt whole again, the self-hate gone and forgotten.  Today, I cry in gratitude and pray in thankfulness to a God who wants us to call out to Him, to ask Him to intercede when it’s not possible to do so on our own.  I am also stunned with indebtedness to a loving Savior who, when I am in an abyss of despair gives me a little dog who needs me to go on.

 

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Jehovah Shammah: I am the God who is always there.

•July 20, 2018 • Leave a Comment

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Romans 15:13 “May God, the source of hope, fill you with joy and peace through your faith in him. Then you will overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit”

I have a tendency to brood over seemingly little things, I wonder  why a friend hasn’t called as she regularly does, have I done something to anger her?

I haven’t been sleeping and often wake up exhausted, I worry the lack of sleep will make my kidney disease worsen.

I found out my favorite nephrologist has left for a practice out of state, I worry a new nephrologist won’t care as much or give me as good treatment. And on and on the list is endless.

This morning I wake up tired and hopeless.  No sleep again last night and I have things to do.  I am crying.

I read Bible passages, pray and meditate and already  feel a sense of hope and relief knowing that God’s promise to always be there is comforting to me. How quickly peace is lost when I don’t take the time to pray and remember everything is under God’s control.

Thank you Abba for  Your wonderful promises. Once again I surrender to you my cares and fears knowing Your will and reliance on You is all I need.  Amen

Primitive Imprints and 2 Cor 12:9

•July 16, 2018 • Leave a Comment

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2 Corinthians 12:99But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

I have been trying to figure out why I don’t have complete trust in God.  Oh I do for awhile but I take my will back over and over again.

Reflecting on my life I realize my exhausted Mom never could be trusted to come through for me when I needed her and my Dad became ill when i was 6 years old.  I always experienced life as if I was toiling alone and had no one to rely on.

But I had some wonderful friends when I got older that I could rely on to be there for me when trouble loomed.  Why, I wondered, those terrific friends could not have turned around that feeling of me against the world?

I believe the primitive imprints our parents have on us can be lasting if we choose to let them. I also believe that we need to replace those almost indelible stamps on or psyche with a new and more powerful ally, God.  But, we have to take the first tiny step to trust that He will be there for us… through thick and thin.  And each time we fail to surrender our will to Him we must force ourselves ever and ever, as long as it takes to replace the parent image with that of a kind and all powerful and loving Father who wants to take care of us.

Dear Abba,

I realized today I have not used determination to surrender my will to You. Help me to give You a chance to show me your infinite love.  Over and over I will surrender today. 

 

Surrender and Syncronicity

•May 15, 2018 • Leave a Comment

Surrender yourself to the Lord, and wait patiently for him. Psalm 37:7 (GWT)

17-best-I have a very hard time when it comes to surrender yet, some of the most impossible miracles take place when I give the problem to God. 

I am living in a leaky camper in South Carolina… no family or friends nearby. I have just been diagnosed with a chronic illness and I don’t know how I will get home.  I advertise in many places to sell my camper to no avail. I remember clearly that day sitting on my sofa, sobbing and telling God, “You will have to care for me now. I can’t do it. I want to go home and it’s not happening. I give up.”  Within days I have a buyer and am on my way to Massachusetts. Continue reading ‘Surrender and Syncronicity’

When It’s Hard To Pray, part 2

•April 15, 2018 • Leave a Comment

I haven’t prayed for two days yet I feel close to God. I listened to Christian music and today I am watching inspirational You Tube videos. Here is one of my favorites:

Rabies Shots, Music and Drawing Near to God

•April 14, 2018 • Leave a Comment

When I listen to Christian music I am transported into God’s presence.  Even if secular music is playing on a radio I imagine all the love songs are God singing to me. If the voice is female, oh well, in my belief system God is neither male or female so any love song will do (just as long as it doesn’t have the lover leaving me in the end.) Continue reading ‘Rabies Shots, Music and Drawing Near to God’

When Praying Is Hard To Do

•April 13, 2018 • Leave a Comment

woman-kneeling-at-crossLuk_15:7  I say unto you, that even so there shall be joy in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine righteous persons, who need no repentance.

I have a deep inner sense of unworthiness and it’s interfering with my relationship with God.  I have other blogs and the words flow easily and freely. I feel it inside when I’m ready to post here, there is a sense of halting and hesitation.  I try to isolate the feeling this morning and it comes to me.  Who the heck do I think I am to have the nerve to write about God?  I certainly am not any authority, I don’t even know if I have a right to write. Ooops, if anything, these type of thoughts are more from the devil than a heavenly source. Continue reading ‘When Praying Is Hard To Do’

 
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